I stumbled across this one. No title.
My parents were divorced the same year I was about to start junior high. For me it meant spending one week at my mom’s and one week at my dad’s. Luckily, my father did not move far away, a 20-minute bus ride or so from where I grew up and my mother still lived, so I had few problems attending one school. Although it was an amicable divorce, and although I still cared about them both, my two new homes were different. My mother was always there, always interested in what I was doing, always poking into my stuff. My father was much more relaxed. He let me do almost whatever I wanted to do. I preferred staying with my father, although I never said it to my mother, of course.
Both my parents had been wearing braces when they were kids, so I was prepared for having to wear them too. No problem, I had lots of classmates wearing braces, and, frankly, I was sure it would mean an improvement to my looks. I’d seen pictures of them both, with huge metallic brackets on both their teeth. Nowadays brackets were clear, almost invisible.
I had visited the orthodontist twice before. The first time my mother came with me. The ortho was an old man. He said I would need permanent braces for about two years, followed by a retainer for about the same time, first full time, but then gradually less. Fine by me, I said. But then he said I would also need to extract four molars. That was fine by me too, but not my mom. She said she had four of her molars extracted herself. However, one of the craters were infected, causing severe problems for years to come. Would there be another way, she asked. Yes, of course. That was fine by me as well.
The next time I came alone. My teeth were photographed, and impressions were made. That’s it I thought, but he told me to come to the chair. Fine by me, I guess. After a few minutes he came too.
“Look,” he said, “no extractions, right?”
“Right.”
“OK, then we’ll find another solution. I think we’ll go for a headgear and a lip bumper. Do you know what that is?”
“No, not exactly.”
“OK, they’re both devices that will push your back molars. You will have to wear them for a couple of months before we can install the permanent braces. That’s OK to you?”
“Sure, I guess.” I had no idea what he was talking about.
He waved at his assistant and told her something I did not catch. “OK, then we’ll install some anchorage on your back molars, then we’ll adjust your lip bumper and your headgear.”
He inserted a device in my mouth, to hold my cheeks back, I assumed, and started working in the back of my mouth. It hurt, but finally he was done. With my tongue I could feel he had put some metal around my teeth. It still hurt. He waved at his assistant again, and she came with two cardboard boxes. He opened one of them and took out a device. He then told me to open up and inserted it into my mouth before taking it out, doing some adjustments and inserting it again. He repeated the procedure a couple of times before he left it in there, removed the cheek device and told me to close my mouth. I immediately felt a pressure against my lower lip.
“OK,” he said, “this is the lip bumper. It will exert pressure on your lower molars so they will move. You will have to wear it all the time, except when you’re eating and brushing. OK?”
“I guess,” I said. It was not comfortable, but I had not expected that either. And I would get used to it anyway, I guess.”
“Okay,” he said and removed it, “my assistant will show you how to put it in and out afterwards. Now, let’s do the headgear.” He opened the other box and showed me the content. It was a much larger device, like a horseshoe connected to a wider bow. “Have you ever seen any of these before?”
“I don’t think so.”
“No wonder,” he laughed, “I rarely use them anymore, only in special cases, like this. It connects to your upper molars like this.” He inserted it into my mouth before removing it. “This device is extraoral, which means it goes out of your mouth and is connected around your head and neck.”
What did he just say? Out of my mouth and connected around my head and neck? Like a horsebite or a gag? I stiffened. He definitely noticed it.
“Don’t worry,” he smiled, “if you wear it as I say, you won’t have to wear it outside of your own home.”
“OK,” I said, not sure how to respond.
“Now, I’ll just make some adjustments, and then you can go to my assistant’s room.”
He made some adjustments to the bow. He then pulled out two straps from his drawer. They were both blue, I noticed. Then he inserted the bow before attaching a strap to both ends of the outer bow. I immediately felt a pressure against the neck. He took it on and off, leaving the bow in my mouth all the time before he seemed happy. He then attached the other strap to it. It went across the back of my head. I could feel it put pressure on my ears. Finally, he inserted the lip bumper and asked me to go to the assistant’s room. I did. On my way I passed a mirror. Oh my god, I looked terrible, with a wire out of my mouth and straps around my head and neck. Luckily the lip bumper did not show, and luckily, I did not have to wear the headgear outside of my home.
The assistant was a petite Asian woman with a serious look. She asked me if the ortho had told me how much I should wear the devices.
“Yes,” I said.
“Good. It is important that you comply. You may wear them more than prescribed, of course, but no less, that will seriously impede on your treatment.”
“I know…”
“Fine. Then I’ll teach you how it is done. Do you think you can remove them yourself?” She asked me to sit in front of a mirror.
I did. Removing the straps was no problem. When I tried sliding out the devices, however, I was not able to do it.
“That is for safety,” she said.
“Safety?”
“Yes, so it does not accidentally slip out of your mouth. Let’s start with the lip bumper. It is connected with a couple of elastics. You can see it if you open wide.”
“Yes, I do, they’re green, right?”
“Yes. If you look carefully, you will see that it is connected to two small pins. Try removing it.” I did. It was not difficult. “Great,” she went on, “then we’ll take the facebow part of your headgear. If you look careful, you’ll see two wires interconnecting there. Just push them against each other with your fingers, and it will come loose.” That was not difficult either.
I removed the facebow. It felt great.
“Now,” she said, “do you want to try inserting them yourself, or do you want me to show you?”
“I guess I can try.”
“Great. Let’s take the lip bumper first. If you open up and look at the rings the ortho installed, you will see a tube outside of each of them. Try inserting it this way.” She held it up for me. After a few tries, it slipped in. “Great,” she went on, “now for the elastics.” She gave me a small bag of green elastics. “Take out two of them and try placing them onto the pins.” After a few tries, that also went fine. “Good,” she said, “you’re told to wear it 24/7, right?”
“Yes.”
“OK, leave it in. Now, the headgear. Can you slide it in?”
“I can try,” I said while picking it up. It was easier to slide in than the lip bumper.
“So, just press the two wires until you hear a click, then it is secured.” It was easy too. “Now, for the straps. The orthodontist has marked the holes you are going to use. Do not use any other holes unless you’re told so. Can you try? The neck strap first.”
I found the right hole on the one side and attached the strap to the facebow. I then put it around my neck.
“Do you feel some pressure?” she asked.”
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s what the safety device is for. If you had pulled it like that without, it would have popped out of your mouth. I know the safety is on now, but make a habit of holding the facebow in front of your mouth in case it is not secure. Now, try doing it on the other side.” I did, it was not difficult either. “Then it’s the headstrap. It is easier. You just put it on as a hat, and then you connect it to the wire.” She was right. “Right, then, she said, do you want to wear your headgear now?”
“Uhh, no…” It sounded like a joke, but she did not smile. On the other hand, I had yet to see her smile. Perhaps she could not?
“Alright. Take it off then. I’ll find a bag for your headgear. But remember, wear it as much as instructed. Sixteen hours a day at least. On average. If you miss out some hours one day, you van catch them the next, but don’t skip a day.”
“OK…”
What did she just say? The ortho only said when I was at home, right? And I am not at home sixteen hours a day. There’s school, then there’s swimming, then there’s spending time with friends. I should have asked her what she meant, but I chose not to. Instead I left the room and booked a new appointment in four weeks.
After leaving the office I went to the shopping mall. In addition to the pressure on my lower lip, tension was building up on my lower jaw. I went into the bathroom to look in the mirror. If I pulled my lower lip down, I realised, it would not exert any pressure. It felt weird, but not painful at least. Suddenly I decided to try on the headgear. Man, I looked weird. This summer I watched Pulp Fiction, where two of the characters are taken prisoners and gagged. It looked like that gag. I removed it. Hell no, I was not going to wear that, even if it meant extracting some teeth.
When my mother came home, she asked about the appointment. I showed her my lip bumper. She smiled. “If that’s the worst,” she laughed, “I should have skipped the retractions too.” I did not show her my headgear. It was stowed safely away in my bedside table drawer.
Four weeks later I was back in the chair.
“Look,” the ortho said, “have you been wearing your headgear at all?”
“Well…” I stuttered.
“I can see you haven’t, even I told you. That is a problem. If you had told me last time you would not wear it, we could have extracted your teeth instead, but as I see that you have worn your lip bumper as prescribed, that is unfortunately no longer a choice. I will not make you wear it to school yet, but you’ll have to wear it whenever you’re at home, okay?”
I nodded.
“Which means all the time. When you come home from school until you leave for school the next day. You only remove it to eat, brush and shower. And it means all weekend. What do you do when you’re not in school?”
“I swim two times a week and hang out with my friends.”
“OK, you obviously can’t wear it when you swim, but I would suggest you wear it before and after swimming. And, and I’m sorry I have to say this, also when hanging out with your friends. You think you can do that?”
“Ehh…”
“Well, it’s not a question. I know this can be a bit difficult, so I’ll phone your mother and tell her. I won’t tell her you’ve skipped it for a month, but I need her to control it.”
He repeated it several times, and if I wanted to, he told me, I could of course wear it to school too. As if. I did not want to look like a dork. My lip bumper was OK, but not this. Hell, I thought when I left the office.
My mother was still at work when I got home. I sat watching some TV when I heard the door.
“I got a phone call from your ortho today,” she said, “you got a headgear today, right?”
“Yes,” I said.
“So, where is it?”
“It is in my bag.”
“Well, that’s not where it is supposed to be, is it?”
“No, but…”
“Look, I know there is a threshold before you’re comfortable with it. Did you know I wore one myself?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Of course not. I would not allow anyone to take pictures of me wearing it. Unfortunately, perhaps, it would be fun to see now.” She laughed. “But I did not believe they used those anymore. Back in my days, they were quite common. Luckily, I never had to wear it to school, but several other kids wore them there, for months.”
“Really?”
“Really. But I’m the only one who will ever see you wearing it. I and your dad, of course. Now, but it in.”
I went to my room, picked up my headgear, went to the bathroom and put it on.
“Wow,” my mother said when I re-entered the living room, “I only had to wear a strap around my neck. How does it feel?”
“Like hell…”
“Don’t worry, after a few days you won’t notice it until you pass a mirror.”
She was right. It hurt like hell the first couple of days, but already when weekend came, it was no longer sore, only uncomfortable as fuck. And ugly. My mother encouraged my wearing it, mainly by not mentioning it. Of course I did not leave the house wearing it, and when I had friends over, I made sure to take it off.
Then it was Monday, and I was supposed to go to my dad’s after school. My mother was away that week. However, I did not think of bringing it with me to school, and also not home to my dad’s. He did not ask about it, my mother had probably not phoned him, so I decided I would not wear it at all that week. The last week had probably done its work anyway.
When I came home on Sunday, my mother asked me about the week. It was OK, I said. “But why don’t you wear your headgear?” she asked.
“Well, I didn’t wear it at the bus.”
“I guess that’s OK,” she laughed, “but now you’re home. You did wear it as prescribed?”
“Of course,” I lied.
“Good. Now, put it on.”
I went to my room, into my drawer, and slid it in. It was more uncomfortable and my teeth got even more sore than I did remember, but I did wear it, as prescribed. When, however, it was my dad’s week again, I did not. He did not know about it. And as I had not worn it the previous week I was at his, it would surely be no problem not wearing it this week either. Plus he would make fun of me too, that I was quite certain of.
And then there was a new appointment.
“I can see you’ve been wearing your headgear,” the ortho said.”
“Yes.”
“But not as much as I’ve prescribed. Look, I told you it is important you comply. Your lower jaw goes on fine, but not your upper jaw. I do not think I have much of a choice but to prescribe full time wear.”
“Full time wear? You mean…?”
“Yes, 24/7. I am even tempted wiring it in to make sure you can’t take it out.”
“Wiring it in?”
“Yes. It is a very rare procedure, but as you do not comply, I almost see no other option.”
“Please, I will wear it.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“How can I be?”
“I am telling you I will.”
“Hmm…” He paused. “I will talk to your mother about this. I will not wire it in now, but if you have not complied during the next four weeks, I will, given her consent. And I will strongly suggest she does.”
Oh my god, I felt horrible. I had suggested I could wait until I got home to start wearing it, but the ortho said no, it had to start now. He also tightened it, making it even more uncomfortable. But the worst thing was the look people gave me, like if I was a freak. Hell, I was a freak. I wished I could just disappear. Or perhaps wear a scarf and a cap, even though it was hot outside.
“Well,” my mother said when I got home, “I see you do as your ortho says. Poor kid.”
“As if I have a choice…”
“I really did not believe kids would have to wear those to school anymore. Are there many kids wearing them at your school?”
“I haven’t seen anyone.”
“Well, it is necessary. He asked me if he could wire it in if you did not comply.”
“You did?”
“Listen, kid, it is important you wear it. But you do, don’t you? Even at your fathers?”
“Of course,” I lied.
“Good, I knew you would.” It seemed they had not spoken about it. “But are you ready to wear it to school?”
“I don’t know…”
“Of course you’re not. That’s why I said it was OK. But it won’t be a problem, will it?”
“No, it won’t.”
“Great.”
My mother left for work before I left for school. Yes, I was determined to wear it. But on the other hand… No, I was not ready. As I left the house, I removed it. Tomorrow, I said to myself. The same the next day. The only difference was that I now kept my headgear in my bag, in case I would come home after her, and that I started wearing it when I was at my dad’s. He laughed at me.
“Well, kid, I see you wear it not, have you worn it as I prescribed?” the ortho asked the next time. I had put it on just before I entered the office.
“I…”
“Don’t answer it, I see you have not. Listen, this is important, and as I said last time, I will wire it in, at least for the next four weeks.”
“You serious?”
“Do I look as I’m not serious? If you do not wear it 24/7 for the next couple for months, the treatment must be cancelled. Is that what you want?”
“No…”
“Listen, I only prescribe headgear when needed, I have not prescribed them for full time wear for a couple of years now, and I’ve never wired one in. But I do not have any choice. You have left me no choice. Now open up.”
Headgear. Wired. In. Now I would have no option but to wear it to school. I was not the most popular kid at school, but I certainly was not the least popular either. At least until now. Who would hang out with someone looking like this?
The next day I called in sick. I sat at home, doing nothing, just thinking about what had happened. If I had only done what he said the first time, nobody would ever know about this, except for my mother and father. Now everyone would know about this. It was difficult eating with the facebow wired in, and I could only drink through a straw. Even brushing was difficult. And there was a constant pressure. Of course, I could remove the straps, but as I could not remove the facebow, what would be the problem?
“Look, son,” my mother said that evening, “I know why you called in sick, but you cannot keep doing that for the next half year.”
“Half year?”
“Yes, that’s what the ortho told me. Hopefully we won’t have to keep it wired in all the time. Even though you will have to keep wearing it to school, at least you can eat and drink without it. Hopefully this will make it easier for you to adjust to wearing it full time.”
“By force?”
“Yes. The ortho told me you had not been as compliant as you should. And I understand. My older sister, your auntie, had to wear hers to school, and as I was told I would need headgear too, I was scared stiff. I don’t know if I would have been capable of it, but perhaps wiring it in would be the push I would have needed? I don’t know, your auntie did not need it.”
“But back then several kids wore them, right?”
“Yes. Not everyone, of course, but most kids wearing braces also wore some kind of headgear for longer or shorter periods, I think. At least it was like that in my class. Not everyone wore them to school, of course, but when we were at a weeks school trip, almost half the girls, at least, wore them to bed. And what do you know? Perhaps there are other headgear wearers in your class too?”
“As if…”
“Anyway. You need to go back to school.”
“I know…”
It felt terrible as I saw the first class-mates, and the shame increased the more I met. Everyone were looking at me, even my teacher. But nobody said anything, not even my best mates, even though we did hang out. They just stared.
“Why don’t you say anything?” I said to Kenneth, one of my best friends. We were sitting on a bench.
“I did know what to say… Have you had a surgery or something?”
“It is a brace,” I said, “headgear. They used it in medieval times. And now I have one too. Can’t even remove it. See?” I pulled gently in the facebow.
“I’m having braces in a couple of weeks,” he said, “hope I won’t need one of those.”
“You probably don’t. I have not even seen anyone wearing it in the ortho’s office.”
“Well, I did. But I thought, well, I don’t know… Perhaps that he had had some surgery.”
“So now we’re two?”
“Perhaps…”
I still felt weird, but for some reason, I got accustomed to wearing it after a few days. Of course, if I could take it off, I would have, but I could not. And even if it had been possible? Well, people were casts all over. And glasses. They can be removed, but people still wear them because they have some use to them
As I said, I’ve never been the most popular kid, but neither the least popular. But I have never had unknown girls approaching me before. But a few days later, that actually happened. I did not know anything about her besides that she was called Sylvia. She was tall and dark, and her breasts were already well developed for her age. She definitely looked older, and she knew it. Somehow, she scared me. When she came up to me, I was sure she would say something about my headgear, but she didn’t. Instead she asked me if I was not a strong mathematics student. I could see that she wore braces on both her upper and lower jaw, and that the braces were connected with several blue and pink elastic bands. I said yes. Well, she said, perhaps you would like to help me?
When I came to her house, I did not get any stares. I assumed she had told her parents and siblings not to stare. We went into her room. She was neatly dressed, in a white blouse and a grey skirt. She put on a pair of glasses when she opened the mathematics book. And we did talk mathematics. Some, but not most, we mainly talked about ourselves.
“You’re brave,” she said after a while.
“How?”
“Sporting a headgear to school.”
“It’s not as if I have a choice.”
“You mean, you’re supposed to wear it to school?”
“Oh yes, I can’t even remove it.”
“What?”
“Yep,” I pulled it lightly, “it’s wired in.”
“I wear one of those too.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Not to school, of course. Mainly at home, when only my family is around. Do you want to see?”
“Well… I thought I was the only one.”
“So did I.”
She got up. When she came back, she had a headgear on, just like mine, only she did not have a neckstrap and the facebow was white, not metallic, like mine.
“So,” she said, “how do I look?”
“I don’t know…”
“I’m horrible, right?”
“Well, if you’re horrible, I’m horrible.”
“I don’t think you’re horrible.”
“Well, then I guess you’re not either.”
“The ortho was dissatisfied with my compliance last. I mean, I have worn it at home, but that’s not enough, I guess. He said he would not force me to wear it to school yet, but it would shorten my treatment by months. I don’t know, I’m not the best maths student, but the main reason I invited you home, was for you to, well, be a partner in destiny. I will try to wear it to school, and you being there, makes it easier.”
She sat next to me on the sofa. Close.
“Do you think we can kiss in these?” she said. I didn’t know what to say. Instead she leant towards me, put her mouth against mine until we heard the sound of metal clicking. “Well,” she laughed, “let’s do this when they have unwired you.”
The next day, when I spotted her in the school yard, I saw her wearing her headgear. When she saw me, she came over.
“I told you I would, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did.”
“I’d really like to hang out with you.”
The ortho did unwire my facebow during my next visit, but as both I and Sylvia now sported headgear at school, it got easier, a hell of lot easier. Another classmate even came up to me once and said that he was terrified when he saw me wearing headgear at school, he feared that he would also have to, as he thought he was the only one having to wear it.
And after six months the brackets were finally attached, and my headgear time was gradually reduced until I only had to wear it at night. At least that was the case two years later when the ortho said he would remove the permanent braces and install a retainer.
“Do you know what a retainer is?” he asked.
“Yes, it is a plastic plate, isn’t it?”
“Yes, normally. But you remember what I said when you did not comply during the first couple of months of our treatment?”
“You said that it was serious.”
“Well, yeah, it is. As you let your upper and lower jaw come out of alignment, new problems have arisen. Yes, a retainer is a plastic plate, but your retainer is a so-called Van Beek retainer, which is basically a plastic plate with a headgear.”
“What, you mean I’m not finished with headgear by now?”
“Unfortunately, no.”
“But it’s only at night?”
“Not at first, I’m afraid. At first you’ll have to wear it more or less 24/7.”
“You’re joking?”
“Unfortunately, no.”
He picked up a cardboard box. It was an orange plastic thing, molded after my teeth, I assumed, with a facebow, or rather two wires, coming out of it. He put it into my mouth and attached my high pull headgear strap to it.
“So, how does it feel?”
“Iw weelf feerd,” I said, trying to say it felt weird.
“Well, that’s life. You chose yourself not to comply, and this is what you get. As mentioned, 24/7, but I won’t wire it in this time. Can I count on you to wear it?”
“Hff lngg?”
“For how long? Like you did with your headgear after we unwired it. And don’t worry about your speech, you will come around. 24/7 for the next six months or so, I guess, then we’ll lower the hours, but you’ll have to wear it at night for some years. Sorry, that’s for not complying.”
I felt horrible. Six months, even more, perhaps, wearing headgear full time. I would have to risk wearing it well into high school. And this time, I would not even be able to speak properly. When I left the office after the ortho had wired in my facebow, I knew it could not get any worse. Well, it did.
“It looks funny,” Sylvia said. She had a regular retainer.
“I knww.”
“Take it out, for god’s sake.”
“Dnnt y fnk tht akes e exy?”
“That it makes you sexy?”
“Y wld lk ns I it.”
“Take it out,” she said and loosened the strap. “For crying out loud, you want to wear it?”
“No, I want to be able to remove it. You could always remove your headgear.”
“So could you. Well, after that month.”
“But I couldn’t. Then it would be rewired. And this may be too. Hell, I don’t know what I should have done if you had not showed up. I mean, for some reason I now feel that headgear is somehow…sexy?”
“Sexy?” She smiled.
“Yes, you’re the only girl I’ve ever kissed, and that’s because of the headgear. I liked seeing you wearing it, it made me feel safe.”
“You know what? You’re right. I think you’re sexy too. Put it back in. And the next time I’m at the ortho’s I’ll ask for one myself.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No. I want to be sexy for you. You remember our first kiss? After you had your facebow unwired?”
“Yes.”
“Well, let’s sleep together when we both have those. Even if it’s not needed, I will find a way of getting one.”
Less than a week later we slept together for the first time.
