Hi all! This is my first time ever writing a story so feedback is really appreciated !! I’ve also never written from the perspective of a guy, so if I am out of my league, let me know.

Story: Beam

“It’s refreshing, it’s clean, it’s Beam!” The official slogan of the up and coming brand. It was sunscreen, skincare, beach-wear, all of it. To be the Face of Beam was to never worry about not getting picked for jobs. It was the contract Steven had only dreamt of.

Steven was a model. He had the classic California, tan, surfer look to him. He wasn’t necessarily the most muscular or the best looking guy in the room, or anything along those lines. But he wasn’t bad on the eyes. He had charm with his easygoing demeanor, kind eyes, and he had a nice white smile, even if it wasn’t the straightest. That never bothered him much, because he still booked modeling gigs just fine.

Steven couldn’t believe his manager had booked him a tryout with the executives of Beam. His girlfriend Brittany was over the moon. She was definitely the kind of girl that status mattered to.

“What we are doing here,” the exec explained, “is crafting that image of the typical sunny surfer boy. Blonde hair, tan skin, white smile. We want that to be the face of ‘Beam’. Frankly, we think you could be that face.”
Steven blinked. He couldn’t believe it. They liked him! “Sir, I would love to. How can I make this happen?” He asked, hoping it came off as confident and not exuding any of the nervous energy he actually felt.
“Well, there is really only one problem.”

Cool, it looks very promising, good idea, well written, but I have to agree with FantaBrace - too short. But I undderstand you, you want to let us taste and you will go on when we like it. Go on, please!

It's great so far -- well done!

Take as praise the comments about posting such a short piece.  You've obviously succeeded in hooking at least those commentators into the story.  I am looking forward to seeing where this goes, though.

Thank you all so much for the advice!! I’ll work on getting the next one out, and hopefully longer than before.

Chapter 2: Beam (advice / critiques appreciated!!)


Steven sat across the table, staring at the five executives, all clad in expensive looking suits, their previously boisterous energy now turned pensive and serious.

“Well, let’s cut to the chase,” the executive Something-Davenport, a man in his mid-fifties who seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face in comparison to his colleagues who typically seemed more refined, stated and loudly clapped his hands together. Steven tried not to flinch. “We want a perfect smile.”

Hm. Steven certainly wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t quite sure what to say. Sure his smile wasn’t the straightest, he knew his teeth were a little crooked as the did stick out further than necessary as they leaned towards the front. His two front teeth slightly bent inwards in well with the conjunction of being flared outwards. He was a thumb sucker as a child, his parents told him. His jaw was slightly off as well, as he could tell just from looking that his bottom jaw went slightly to the side and was hidden under his top teeth which came out a bit far.

This all seemed so minor. The worst of it was the occasionally clicking and jaw pain from clenching when he woke up in the morning, but it wasn’t like any of that was visible. He suddenly felt rather self conscious about his teeth and ran his tongue over them.

“So, if you got your teeth fixed within 8 months, we can sign a contract and get started,” Mr. Davenport stated bluntly.

“Like…braces?” He asked dumbly. The executives all nodded, some looking slightly impatient, like they were ready to move on. He was an adult! It was the opportunity of a lifetime, but… an adult? In braces? What would his friends even think? Oh god, what would Brittany think? Looks were a big thing to her.

He paused, staring at the men in suits in front of him, one man tapping his pen on the table with a blank look on his face. They were waiting for an answer, he realized.

Braces were usually clear these days anyways. What the hell. “I’m in,” Steven stated.

“Perfect!” a different executive said, with a pleased smile. This executive seemed friendlier than Mr. Davenport with a cheery grin and ginger hair, but Steven wasn’t sure of his name. “So, since you are signing with us, we have different agencies and companies we reach out to. We will have our office staff set up an appointment with a local orthodontist in your area with a time frame we expect everything to be done by. We will want you to be ready for when we roll out the company, as we will need to start scheduling photo shoots, promos, among other things. So, obviously your treatment will be covered by Beam, as written in your contract. After you sign, we will have one of the office assistants reach out to you with further details.”

Steven blinked. Everything happened so fast. Was that it? He was really about to score the deal of a lifetime. And the treatment was fully covered? This seemed nearly too good to be true.

The red haired man paused, handing Steven a pen. “Did you need time to read?”

Steven looked at the contract. He saw the line of pay, which exceeding the number his manager has suggested they may offer by a mile. He scrawled his signature across the contract and shook his head, “No need! I’m in!”

The execs smiled, and even the constantly scowling Mr. Davenport looked pleased.

———

He had called his manager and relayed the message and she seemed positively thrilled. She went over the contract and didn’t have any notes.

Steven couldn’t help but to feel nervous. It was a lot to take in at once. His life was about to change drastically. And he was getting braces!

Steven felt nervous, even if the braces were clear, what would his friends think? What would his girlfriend think?

He decided to call his younger sister Grace. She always knew what to say.

Grace picked up on the second ring. “Hey Steve, what’s up?”

“Not much, are you free to chat?”

“Yeah, I’m just with Sarah right now,” she explained. Not surprising. When weren’t those two attached at the hip?

“So, you know that big modeling contract I was telling you about?” Grace confirmed she did, rather cautiously. “I got it!!” Steven exclaimed, happily. He had to hold the phone away from his ear due to Grace’s loud squealing.

“The only downside is, I have to get braces,” he mumbled, after the excitement died down. “It’s covered by the company, though!”

“Really?” Grace asked, surprised. “Hm, I just can’t picture you in braces, is all. Mr. Ken Doll with metal in his mouth,” she mused.

“Okay, okay, chill out. It’ll probably be clear braces anyways. They mostly are these days,” Steven said casually, hoping his voice didn’t betray his nervousness. She was supposed to be helping him calm down, not make him feel worse!

“Maybe. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up is all. If they are paying for it, it seems like they’d probably go with the cheapest option available, right? Money is money is money,” she stated. He did not like the sound of that logic. He heard some talking in the background before Grace followed up with, “Sarah says maybe it’ll be different for you, since it’s a modeling contract.”

Right. There was no way they would put him in metal braces. Not when he was going to be the face of Beam. Though, he wasn’t exactly the face yet. He had 8 months before that was official. Still, the chance of him getting metal braces felt low. There was no way! He confidently relayed all this information back to Grace.

“If you say so,” was all his sister said in response.

Okay new chapter! I’ve never done a story before so I’m hoping the pacing is okay!

Chapter 3: Beam

The orthodontist Beam chose was named Dr. Tillman, per an email he received with numerous documents attached.

He found himself walking into the office only two days after that first meeting. Everything had happened so quickly. He was trying not to get his hopes up, but he was praying he would get clear braces. He really didn’t want metal braces.

The thought made him anxious. He walked up to the front and introduced himself to the receptionist, a kind looking woman in about her early thirties.

“Okay Steven, so Dr. Tillman’s assistant Melanie will be doing your scans today and placing your spacers. She’ll be ready for you in about ten minutes so go ahead and sit in the waiting room. “

Steven made his way over to the chairs and began fiddling anxiously with his fingers. He glanced up, surprised to see a surly teenage girl with some kind of metal contraption encasing her face. There was a blue plastic pad across her forehead with metal bars that extended down to a blue cup on her chin. It seemed to be connected via rubber bands. Her face seemed to be lost behind the mass of metal. “Thake a picthure, it’ll lash longer,” she glared at him. Her voice was heavily impacted by the appliance.

Oops. His cheeks burned. He hadn’t realized he was staring. He had just never seen anything like that before. He was beyond grateful his teeth weren’t bad enough to ever need anything like that. “Sorry,” he muttered awkwardly, and was relieved when a woman about his age with blonde hair came out into the waiting room for him.

“Steven?” she called. He immediately sat up, glad to be away from the angsty teen. “Hi Steven, I’m Melanie. I’ll be getting you prepped today for Dr. Tillman. This appointment shouldn’t take too long,” she said, motioning for him to follow her.

They walked down the hall into a room with a chair and various medical equipment around the room. “We are going to take some scans today and place spacers to get ready for Dr. Tillman to make up a treatment plan. She’s quick, and since we have a timeline, she’ll likely have something within the next couple of days. I’ll send over some paperwork for you to read through before your next appointment detailing the plan.”

The appointment did go by surprisingly quick. He had to take a mold of his mouth which had left him gagging due to the mixture nearly reaching the back of his throat. Photos were taken at various angles, some of which involved him biting a machine that held his jaw in place while a large camera snapped photos.

His appointment ended with Melanie placing blue rubber bands between all of his teeth, then sending him on his way.

The blue rubber bands were surprisingly uncomfortable, but not too noticeable unless he smiled widely.

———

Steven was at home the next day, in the middle of scheduling a modeling gig in a couple weeks on his laptop. It was a smaller store with vintage clothes, but paid well. He was answering questions about his dimensions and describing his look the way his manager Raymond taught him to. His email pinged with a notification that the orthodontist office had sent him a treatment plan. Huh, that was quick.

His teeth felt tender today, but nothing too bad. It more felt like he had food stuck between his teeth which was uncomfortable but certainly not painful.

He opened the email and saw it was surprisingly long. The document that was pages long provided his expected treatment timeline of 8 months and said a lot of words he wasn’t familiar with. He briefly skimmed it, bands, expansion devices, dual open bite appliances, extra oral traction device. He had no clue what any of this meant. He scrolled to the bottom of his email where it was requested that he come in the next morning for an appointment with a number to call to confirm.

Might as well get it over with. He quickly dialed the number and was able to confirm with a receptionist over the phone. She relayed that Dr. Tillman liked patients to read their treatment plans before coming to the appointment. He confirmed he would, though he figured this may end up being a little white lie.

The document was like ten pages filled with words he didn’t know. If it was anything crazy, he was sure he would recognize the words or something, but nothing sounded too exteme. He wanted to instead spend his time getting ready for the photo shoot in a couple of weeks. It looked like it may include swimwear so he thought he may hit the gym ensure he was toned and ready.

He was at the gym an hour later, the document out of mind as he focused on his exercise.

So, for someone who has never written a story before, then let me tell you that you are doing it all right! Pacing is fine, some nice hints being dropped... nice and easy to read...

Don't worry if you feel it's taking ages to write it, or if it's all coming at once.... it's YOUR story, take your own pace. I'm sure that whatever you write, we'll enjoy it!

Chapter 4: Beam

It was early the next day that Melanie ushered him into a room lined with reclining dentist chairs. He was sat at the far end and was the only one in the room.

Melanie began pulling out the blue rubber bands, which was relieving. He had felt like he had food stuck between his teeth for the last couple of days.

A tray was placed beside him with numerous small boxes filled with metal pieces and plastic. He wondered what on the table was meant for his treatment. Was all of it?

The assistant cleaned his teeth before sitting his chair back up, “Dr. Tillman will be over in a few minutes to start placing your bands,” she said cheerily as she exited the room.

He tried to stop his leg from anxiously bouncing, but to no avail.

Dr. Tillman finally entered. She looked to be in her mid forties with a face that looked somewhere between bored and stern. “Hello Steven, how are we feeling?” she asked, pulling on a pair of white gloves. The only emotion she showed was a slight raise in her eyebrows. He confirmed he felt well, leaving out his slight trepidation about the appointment as he was certain the inquiry was nothing more than a formality. He got the sense hat Dr. Tillman wasn’t the chatty type.

Dr. Tillman slid a mask over her face and began speaking, “Okay, so our time together needs to be condensed into eight months. Meaning, due to the contract we both signed, we will need to be quick with this treatment. Rather than meeting once a month, we will meet once every two weeks for tightening and adjustments. It won’t be as comfortable as a typical treatment as I will have to make some major modifications as I’m sure you saw in the packet I sent to you. I would have preferred for a treatment like yours to have at least 2, maybe even 3 years, so we are really racing against the clock now. However, I’m confident we will get it done.” Dr. Tillman said assuredly. Her demeanor seemed very no-nonsense.

Steven was surprised. He didn’t think there would be too much that really needed to be done.

Without warning, Dr. Tillman took a clear plastic mechanism and stuck it between his lips, causing his lips to be forced open and baring his teeth. He felt a bit ridiculous.

“This lip speader will keep your lips out of the way while I work. Firstly, I’m going to glue the banded brackets in, then we will get to work with the other devices: bite blocks, expanders, and tongue cribs. Normally, I’d want to wait until a couple of months in to start placing the appliances over time to help with adjustment, but unfortunately we do not have that luxury.”

He felt a bit nervous hearing all of those names. He wasn’t sure what any of that meant, besides the brackets, though he wasn’t sure what banded meant. He looked down on the table beside him at masses of metal and began to wish he read the packet. He had really started to convince himself that he was getting clear braces! He started to panic.

“Ahhh ihhh ahh ah??” Steven tried to ask (what is all that?) but it came out horribly mangled due to his lips being stretched apart.

“This first part should take about an hour, then I’ll give you a break,” Dr. Tillman said, completely misreading Steven’s comments.

Dr. Tillman began sliding different rings across his teeth, seemingly looking for the perfect fit. She would then put some kind of paste on them before fitting the metal hoops onto his teeth, and used a small device to hammer them onto his teeth, followed by a blue light. It didn’t hurt, but the repetitive pounding certainly wasn’t comfortable.

Steven wished he could see more, but the low angle of the chair, light in his eyes, and tools in his face made it hard to see.

He felt nervous the first few brackets being hammered in, but eventually he got used to the methodical sliding of the metal hoops around each tooth. He didn’t realize that’s how braces were typically placed, but he never paid much attention to braces before.

After about forty or more long minutes of the tedious feeling on his mouth being poked and prodded at, Dr. Tillman pulled the lip spreader from his mouth. Steven flexed his jaw as she allowed him to sit up in the examination chair. His mouth was dry and he felt his lips get caught on his newly applied braces. He attempted to push his lips over but found he needed to wet his teeth before he was able to do so.
He felt startled by how large the brackets felt on his teeth. “Have some water,” Dr. Tillman offered, pulling Steven from his thoughts.

He eagerly accepted and after a few gulps Dr. Tillman was already having his chair recline. The lip spreader was back between his lips before he remembered he had meant to ask about the other devices mentioned. Dr. Tillman certainly worked quick.

“Do you have a preference of color for your power bands?” the orthodontist asked, holding up a variety of colorful rubber band loops. He definitely wasn’t going to get anything colorful. Steven pointed to black in the hopes that it would be less inconspicuous.

 

He had just been thinking how the braces didnt hurt in the slightest when Dr. Tillman began stretching the previously mentioned powerbands across his teeth. He hadn’t expected them to feel so tight. By the time she was done with both jaws, his jaw was already starting to have serious discomfort.

Dr. Tillman began taking large pieces of metal and placing them into Steven’s mouth, making small adjustments, and placing them back in. Steven saw a large spider like piece of metal be slid into his mouth. He wanted to feel it but he couldn’t due to a tongue blocker of some kind. He wondered if that oddly shaped device was something that would end up staying in his mouth? He guessed not, as it was probably something used to put the braces on, but he still had that fear after what his sister said.

He needed to relax. Steven could feel her placing various devices in his mouth, like something behind both jaws, likely to keep his tongue away from the braces while she worked. Different pieces of metal and plastic were going in and out of his mouth so often that he found himself losing track. Something was pressed into his lower jaw, and pressed firmly in, leaving his tongue to awkwardly position itself elsewhere. He was told to bite down on occasion, but mostly just sat there feeling disconnected from what was happening. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing through his nose, and did his best to fully zone out.