ForumOnline-Shop

Author Topic: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box  (Read 12998 times)

Offline s399140

  • Bronce Member
  • **
  • Posts: 50
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #15 on: 18. August 2023, 01:10:05 AM »
I agree on A.

By the way: very nice to create a story this way!

Offline corynnehunzyker

  • Platinum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 303
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #16 on: 18. August 2023, 14:16:21 PM »
I vote C ...

Offline chrisbrace

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 22
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #17 on: 18. August 2023, 16:25:38 PM »
I’ll go with A too. Love the idea for this story!

Offline kelly-Marie

  • Platinum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 702
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #18 on: 18. August 2023, 17:02:24 PM »
I think b or c they've hot the most possibility for Chris and hannah to chat and get yo know each other

Offline Sparky

  • Special Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2346
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #19 on: 19. August 2023, 03:58:38 AM »
I think b or c they've got the most possibility for Chris and Hannah to chat and get to know each other

I like your thinking, and I think that's why I included them.

I also realise that I made a mistake: the label inside the retainer case says "JP", but her name is Hannah: I can think of three ways out: (a) go back and change Hannah's name; (b) go back and change the initials in the case; (c) work out an explanation for why the label doesn't match her name! This time you guys don't get to choose :-)

Thank you all for getting involved.

The 'style' of the story is making it a different story for me to write in two ways: (1) I am having to get to a point in the story where I can offer 2 or 3 possibilities; (2) I can't write much ahead, as I don't know which way you guys will steer the story. Time to start on Chapter 3!


Online napacaster

  • Platinum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 358
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #20 on: 19. August 2023, 05:22:36 AM »
I think I would simply correct the mistake. I have done this and no one seems to notice and new readers will not be the wiser.

Offline kelly-Marie

  • Platinum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 702
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #21 on: 20. August 2023, 03:22:30 AM »
Here's a little idea to correct the mistake the retainer case belonged to Hannahs sister Jayne Paula to start with  how about that?

Offline Sparky

  • Special Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2346
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #22 on: 20. August 2023, 13:58:30 PM »
Here's a little idea to correct the mistake the retainer case belonged to Hannahs sister Jayne Paula to start with  how about that?

Certainly a possibility. I had another idea as well... I'll decide what to do when Chris asks the question!

Offline Sparky

  • Special Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2346
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #23 on: 20. August 2023, 14:03:06 PM »
You have chosen option (a): suggest meeting in the park the following lunchtime

----


Chapter 3


"Ah, ok..." said Chris.

"Tell you what though, why don't we just meet at the park tomorrow lunchtime..." suggested Hannah, "Actually, no, I have a better idea, do you know the big white 'Berlin Smith' building, on the north side of the park... so on the corner of Cumberland Place and London Road?"

"Yes, I think so..."

"There's a small monument on the wall, dedicated to the musicians on the Titanic: meet there? I can't imagine anyone else would be waiting there."

"Yeah, ok, that sounds fine. What time?"

"Well, I could be there for about 12:35, could you make that?"

"Can you make it at say twenty-to, so I've got time to grab some lunch?"

"Don't worry about lunch, I was thinking maybe I should treat you, to thank you for returning my retainers."

"It's ok, you don't have to..."

"I know I don't have to, but I'd like to...."

"Ok then." said Chris. He had quickly decided that this was an argument he couldn't win, so decided to give in! The worst that could happen was that he ended up having lunch with a really boring and ugly girl, and he could cope with that. "Hey, before you go, you say your name is Hannah, yet the label in the case says 'JB' - why's that then?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow. Hey, I just realised... I don't know YOUR name..."

"Oh, sorry, I'm Chris..."

"Well, Chris, thank you VERY much for getting in touch with me, I was worrying that I was going to have to pay a load more money to get them replaced. So, I'll see you tomorrow lunchtime - and please remember to bring my retainers with you!"

"I will, don't worry! See you tomorrow! Bye."

Having ended the call, Chris sat and thought for a moment. So, Hannah was definitely NOT a schoolgirl, but how old was she then? From the sound of her voice, and the way she spoke, he was guessing she was maybe between 20 and 30. The fact that she had obviously just had braces - and now had retainers - meant that she was someone trying to positively improve her appearance, whether it be for herself or for others. He also reckoned she wasn't some sort of 'dumb bimbo', but seemed to have reasonable intelligence.

Chris went to his laptop, and looked on Google maps: he knew that there were a load of big buildings along Cumberland place, the road to the north of the park, and he vaguely remembered there was a white building. Ah, yes, there it was, at 50.910413 N, 1.405175 W, and when he zoomed in, the 'Titanic Musician's Memorial' and 'Stone tablet honouring 8 heroic musicians' showed on the map. He shifted to Street View, and saw the big white building - yes, now he saw it, he remembered it. Then he zoomed in, and saw the white marble tablet set into a small red brick wall. A couple of clicks later, and he was on a website at https://dereferer.me/?https://www.titanic.memorial/post/memorial/titanic+musicians+memorial+tablet+southampton/ , which gave the story.

----

Luckily there were no IT panics today, so I was able to get to the meeting place in plenty of time. I was reading the wording on the monument when I heard a voice behind me. "Hi, are you Chris?" she asked.

I turned around, and got my first view of Hannah, the girl who used to have braces, but now wore retainers (when she didn't lose them!). "Hi, Hannah, yeah, I'm Chris, nice to meet you!".

So, how would I describe my first impressions of Hannah? To be honest, three words summarised it well: 'a cute nerd'.

Ok, so she's about the same height as me, and I'm 5ft 6ins tall. I'd put her age at somewhere between 19 and 23. She wears glasses, with black plastic frames, and underneath I could spot her rather bushier than normal eyebrows: I suspect most girls would have plucked them to make them a bit thinner, but Hanna was 'au naturel'. Long brown hair (with a hint of redness in there), gathered in two plaited pony-tails held with white elastics about an inch from their ends... but slightly 'messy' at the same time. Her face had a few freckles, along with a touch of acne on her two cheeks. If she wore any makeup, then it was very minimal, and her fingernails were cut close and untouched too.

In terms of her clothes, she wore a white shirt with a collar - probably a ladies-cut version of a typical men's shirt - and on top she had a sleeveless cardigan. Below that was a dark blue tartan skirt down to her knees, followed by long socks, and a pair of very practical black shoes. I could easily imagine that, in the winter, she wore a beanie hat.

When she smiled, I could see her lovely straight teeth, and tried very hard to imagine what she must have looked like when she had braces, as that would have completed the 'nerd look' perfectly! Whilst I'd never see that (unless she ever showed me a picture), I did hope that I might get to see her with her retainers in.

Oh, and I forgot to describe her underlying body shape... well, a pleasant looking chest (I would guess around a 'C' cup), but she's not skinny, she is very slightly 'podgy'. Not really fat, but she had a 'few extra pounds' on her.

So, my big question was whether she really WAS a nerd, or whether she had spent a lot of time putting the look - a very good fake look if this were the case - together?

Having said all of this, I'll admit that, in a strange way, I actually found her attractive: I think it was her smile that did it for me. Not just a smile with her lips, it was a lovely 'whole of face' smile.

I put my hand into my pocket, pulling out the pink retainer case. "Yours, I believe?" I said, offering it to her.

"Thank you so much!" she replied, taking it from me. She opened it briefly to check the contents, and smiled, then put it into her handbag. "It's an interesting memorial, isn't it? Not the sort of thing you'd expect to find in a place like this!"

"No, I knew this building was here, you can see it from the park, but I never actually came as far as here before. Quite a strange place for it."

"Apparently it's a replica, the original was inside an older building that used to be here. Anyway, lunch! What would you like? There's quite a choice around here... we could go to the Wetherspoons, have a proper pub lunch. Or there's a couple of simple cafes, that do cheap cooked lunches. Or we could just sit in a place that does sandwiches. To be honest, I'm ok with any of those."


Ah, another decision to be made:

(a) Pub lunch?
(b) Café cooked light lunch?
(c  Sandwiches and a coffee?

Offline silver-moon-2000

  • Platinum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 678
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #24 on: 20. August 2023, 15:57:06 PM »
(a) Pub lunch?
(b) Café cooked light lunch?
(c  Sandwiches and a coffee?

I guess, a Pub makes it hard(er) to talk? So maybe a nice open café, where they can sit outside?

I vote B.

Online napacaster

  • Platinum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 358
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #25 on: 20. August 2023, 16:16:15 PM »
A nice quiet place where they can talk, B.

Offline Sparky

  • Special Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2346
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #26 on: 20. August 2023, 17:31:08 PM »
One GOOD thing about Wetherspoons, apart from their good choice of well kept beers is that they do NOTplay background music!

Offline retained

  • Gold Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 207
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #27 on: 20. August 2023, 23:20:29 PM »
I think B.

Offline Sparky

  • Special Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2346
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #28 on: 21. August 2023, 19:21:20 PM »
I'm away from home for a few days now: I'll be able to see your feedback (so keep it coming!), but won't be writing until the weekend.

Sparky

Offline kelly-Marie

  • Platinum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 702
  • Gender: Male
Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #29 on: 22. August 2023, 02:01:27 AM »
I'm going to vote for A but only because I spe d a lot of time in pubs!