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Author Topic: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box  (Read 13008 times)

Offline Sparky

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Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« on: 16. August 2023, 18:33:56 PM »
So, with the final part of my "Two of a Kind" story finishing tomorrow, I thought I'd start this new story. I have no idea where this story is going to go - literally! It's going to be a bit like those "book adventure stories" where the page ends with something like "if you think Tom should fight the dragon, turn to page 27, but if you think Tom should flee the dragon, turn to page 78".

So, I'll be writing the story - at least to start with - and at the end of each chapter I need YOU, the readers, to decide the next step for the story. At the end of the chapter, I'll give you 2 or 3 options, let me know which you think will happen (and feel free to make other suggestions too!)

Now take note: if you DON'T interact, then there's only going to be one chapter... so get involved! Just hit that "reply" button, and tell me how the story should continue.

(And a thought for any other writers: feel free to let me know if you'd like to write a chapter or two, could make the story a bit more fun!)

============


The Small Pink Box


Chapter 1


I was having to take a bit of a late lunch break today: there had been a problem with one of the finance team's PC, which was deemed to be 'very important', and was more than just a 10 minute job: it had, in fact, taken most of an hour to fix. At least today I got to HAVE some lunch!

I went to the local supermarket, where I picked up a lunchtime 'Meal Deal': you get a sandwich, a drink and a snack, so today I went for the 'Ham, Cheese and Coleslaw' sandwich, a small bottle of orange juice, and a packet of plain crisps... all for only £3.40. It was a sunny day, so I decided that going and sitting in the park would be good: not only was it somewhere nice to sit and eat, but was peaceful enough to let me de-stress after the hassles of the finance department!

The park had quietened down: normally in the main part of lunch, it can be quite busy, but the 'main shift' was gone, leaving just those of us on the 'late lunch shift'! There were a couple of empty park benches, so I headed for the one that was just in the shade. As I got there, and was about to sit down, something pink caught my eye, to the side and just behind the bench. As I got closer, I realised it was a retainer case. My heart suddenly raced: it wasn't something you saw very often, and I guessed that it must have fallen out of someone's bag earlier on.

I didn't expect it to have anything in, so I got a pleasant surprise as I picked it up: there was something in it! I looked around: I didn't want to be doing the next bit if there was anyone around. Luckily there wasn't, so I sat down, putting the paper bag with my lunch in on the bench next to me, and turned my gaze to the pink box. I carefully opened it - I didn't want to accidentally drop the contents - to find it contained a pair of hawley retainers, made of that clear pink plastic. My heart missed a beat: they looked amazing!

Again, I looked nervously around: there was no-one nearby or obviously looking at me, so I took the top one from the box: it was an upper retainer. I took a quick sniff, and detected a very slightly stale odour. I turned it around in my hand: it was the sort with a relatively short labial wire that covered the front 6 teeth, then had a pair of clasps that went around the front molars. Next, I took the other retainer from the pink box, putting the retainer case down next to my lunch. The lower retainer, whilst slimmer, was of the same design as the upper one. My heart was beating fast as I held the two retainers in my hands: whilst I had seen plenty of pictures and videos of people with hawley retainers, I had never actually ever touched one. Or two even.

I decided that maybe I should put them back into their case, and look at them in more detail later on, when I could guarantee I wouldn't be accidentally get disturbed. I picked up the case, and noticed a slightly faded label in the inside top: it had the initial 'JP' and a mobile phone number. I guess I should call that number... I would dearly love to keep the retainers, but 'JP', whoever that was - and I was assuming that it belonged to a teen girl (it was pink - no teenage boy would EVER want a pink retainer box!) - would probably get into a lot of trouble if they didn't get them back.

With the two retainers back in their case, I clicked the lid shut, and put it into my pocket, then sat there and ate my lunch.


Does Chris:

(a) call 'JP' after he's eaten his lunch?
(b) call 'JP later on this evening, once he's had a good chance to 'examine' the retainers further?
(c) not bother to call 'JP' at all, instead keeping the retainers for himself?





Offline TrainTrack

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #1 on: 16. August 2023, 18:47:41 PM »
I’m excited to see what we come up with as a forum for this story.

I vote B.

Offline silver-moon-2000

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #2 on: 16. August 2023, 19:06:01 PM »
I’m excited to see what we come up with as a forum for this story.

And now we already have out first quarrel?
I vote A

Offline retained

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #3 on: 16. August 2023, 23:44:21 PM »
I think it must be B.

(Well, it should be A really, but I think B will have the chance of a better story !)

Offline corynnehunzyker

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #4 on: 17. August 2023, 00:35:11 AM »
I think B

Offline s399140

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #5 on: 17. August 2023, 01:07:41 AM »
I think A, then there is a whole afternoon before they can finally meet :)

Offline Sparky

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #6 on: 17. August 2023, 02:20:47 AM »
>I think A, then there is a whole afternoon before they can finally meet

Yeah, but he's got to go back to work in the afternoon....

Interesting that you all want Chris to at least call / return the retainers at some point, no one yet wants Chris to keep them! You are a good law-abiding lot!

Offline braces37

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #7 on: 17. August 2023, 14:19:25 PM »
I vote for A.

Offline Sparky

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #8 on: 17. August 2023, 14:48:10 PM »
Well, it was 3:2 for B:A, but a late vote for A made it equal!

A and B are both similar, and I'm sure would have lead to a similar outcomes: with Chris at work, unless they met straight after work, Chris would end up taking the braces home anyway, giving him the chance to.... heck, read the story!

===================================

Chapter 2

----

You have chosen option (b): call 'JP later on this evening, once he's had a good chance to 'examine' the retainers further...

----

I had to wait till I was home before I was able to look at the retainers again: when I got back to the office, there was yet another panic in full swing! At least the guys hadn't called me, they let me have my lunch break: thanks guys, I'll return the favour sometime!

Back home, I slipped into the bathroom (locking to door of course) then opened the retainer case once more. I wasn't planning to do anything with the retainers except briefly rinse them. I nervously opened the retainer case and spent a few seconds staring once more at the pair of retainers, which, of course, gave me some 'good feelings'. Then I had another sniff of them, but realised that the slight odour that was there before had gone. I set the water to warm, then used my toothbrush to quickly clean the retainers. Whilst I could have cleaned them with toothpaste, to REALLY clean them, that would have left a noticeable smell of its own, which might have caused questions to be asked later on. With the retainers rinsed off, I used my towel to dry them, then put them back into their pink case, which I returned to my pocket.

I left the bathroom, and went into my bedroom, locked my door, then I sat down on my bed (I lived in a shared house, so wanted to be somewhere I had some privacy...), and pulled the pink retainer case from my pocket once more, opened it again, ... I took the retainers out of the case again, putting the case on my bedside table. I now had plenty of time to look at the retainers in more detail: the upper plate was lovely and shiny and smooth... in fact, so was the lower one, but with it being smaller, it wasn't as obvious.

So, as I said before, these retainers are the style that we seem to have in England: Adams clasps on the front molars, and a labial wire across the six front teeth, with that lovely 'loop' over the canines. I so wished these were my own retainers!

Ever since I was a kid, I've not only had a thing for braces, but have wished that I needed braces. Sadly my teeth were amazingly straight, so I never got them, but I still wondered what it would have been like. So, now I had the perfect opportunity to find out: I opened my mouth, and put the upper retainer into my mouth, running my tongue gently over the smooth plastic of the upper plate, pushing it gently up into my palate. Whilst it didn't actually fit, it wasn't that far out: whilst I couldn't get the clasps to fit over my molars, I was able to get the labial wire over my front teeth. I ran my tonge over the smooth plastic once more: boy, it felt so good!

Having had a certain level of success with the upper retainer, I tried the lower one in too: again the clasps didn't quite fit, but I got the labial wire just along the edge of my lower teeth, then ran my tongue over the smooth plastic: mmm, nice. I realised that the slight odour that was there before had gone.

I lay back on my bed and relaxed, savouring the experience of having a pair of retainers in my mouth.

15 minutes later, having 'savoured the experience', I decided that it was time to call 'JP' to tell her (as I said before, with it being a pink case, I was 98% sure it would be a girl!) that I'd found her retainers. I sat on my bed, with the retainer case (with retainers) on the adjacent table, opened so I could see the phone number, I also had a pen and paper ready, in case I needed to write anything down.

I typed the phone number into my phone, and pressed the green 'call' button. After a few seconds I could hear the ringing tone, then about 15 seconds later, the call was answered (which in itself was good, as there was the possibility that 'JP' might just ignore calls from unknown numbers).

"Hello, who is this?" asked a girls voice quite politely. When I say 'girl', my immediate feeling that this was either an older teen, or maybe even a young adult.

"Oh, hello, you don't know me, my name is Chris. I believe you might have lost a pink retainer case with some retainers inside..." I replied.

"Oh, thank goodness for that! And thank you SO much for calling. Out of interest, where did you find them?"

"Well, I'm guessing you sat down on one of the park benches for your lunch: they were to the side and to the rear of the bench - I'm kinda guessing it might have fallen out of a bag?"

"Ah, yes, that would make sense... you're right, I did stop there for my lunch. Oh, I'm Hannah by the way." The more she spoke, the more convinced I was that she was an adult.

"Hi there, Hannah! Well, it's very lucky you had your phone number inside the case!"

"Yeah, that was my flatmate's idea, and I'm now so glad I did that!"

"So, I guess you need to get your retainers back... Look, I live in Eastleigh, you're more than welcome to come over and collect them tonight."

"Ah, that could be a problem: I live in Woolston, and I don't have a car, I just use the bus. Plus my flatmate who DOES have a car is out tonight..."



Your next decision... Does Chris:

(a) suggest meeting in the park the following lunchtime?
(b) suggest she comes over another evening, when her flatmate can give her a lift?  or
(c) offer to drive over and deliver Hannah's retainers tonight?


Offline TrainTrack

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #9 on: 17. August 2023, 15:59:58 PM »
My vote is A

Offline napacaster

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #10 on: 17. August 2023, 16:53:55 PM »
I'll go with A

Offline silver-moon-2000

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #11 on: 17. August 2023, 17:08:57 PM »
A and B are both similar,

I beg to disagree  >:D

I lay back on my bed and relaxed, savouring the experience of having a pair of retainers in my mouth.

That's why I had voted A earlier. Even after thoroughly cleaning those things... The thought of putting something in my mouth that somebody else already had in theirs, gives me a very strong case of the heebie jeebies. To the point that I - if I were Hanna - might throw those retainers away, had I to suspect that Chris had played with them.

Just my 2 Cents though

BTW: I vote A vor chapter 3.

Offline TrainTrack

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #12 on: 17. August 2023, 17:16:28 PM »
My thing is this is a story, and my goal is to make it entertaining. In real life, I would agree with you silver moon if it were in real life, that is absolutely disgusting. But this is a story and nothing bad comes from it, at least where things stand right now.

And he did not thoroughly clean them, he rinsed them, which is even worse.

Offline Sparky

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #13 on: 17. August 2023, 22:28:33 PM »
My thing is this is a story, and my goal is to make it entertaining. In real life, I would agree with you silver moon if it were in real life, that is absolutely disgusting. But this is a story and nothing bad comes from it, at least where things stand right now.

And he did not thoroughly clean them, he rinsed them, which is even worse.

I did say that he used a brush to brush them, which is a bit more than just a rinse, and probably did 98% the job of had he used toothpaste as well. I suppose I could have spelt out that he would have cleaned them again after trying them in.

(It says to me that you've never had kids... baby drops a dummy while you're out. You pick it up, wipe it, then shove it in your own mouth to 'clean' it, then return it to baby to stop the crying (the alternative is FAR worse!!). I'm a great believe in "a bit of dirt is good for you".. helps you build up a resistance to all the crap around us. And strangely, I'm not dead yet....)

Back to the story: If Chris had elected to call straight away, thus with the possibility of a meet-up after work, I suspect he might have just locked himself in the toilet for 10 minutes in the afternoon to take a look at / try in the braces, although maybe wouldn't have "savoured the experience" in quite the same way ;D   So A & B would have ended up being pretty similar.

As for today's options: (a) is clearly the safer & more PC option; but (b) and (c) could lead to a much more interesting story! (Hmm, maybe I need to continue that "Braces Murder Mystery" story!!!)

Thank you all for voting, commenting, and getting involved!

Offline retained

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Re: Reader-guided story: The Small Pink Box
« Reply #14 on: 17. August 2023, 23:50:46 PM »
Ah...well....I think A ! (????)

PM sent to Sparky with an idea .....!