Chapter 51a/56 - Developments, Part 2

"But you weren't surprised that you suddenly 'voluntarily' wore your headgear again, although no one had really asked you to do it? After all, it had been a long time since an orthodontist wanted you to wear headgear. And if I remember correctly, that also was the time in Kiel when you didn't see an orthodontist at all."

Leonie shrugs. "Like I said, I haven't yet thought this through from start to finish. I don't have a really good answer to that right now."

Again, she ponders for a good few seconds: "The best I can say is: No, I DON'T think I was surprised that I wore my headgear again. Rather the opposite of that. I was surprised that I had to come up with the idea of wearing it again on my own."

He raises his eyebrows. "I confess, I didn't expect that. Can you explain it to me?"

His daughter thinks for another few seconds. "That's how it was, dad - at least, I believe that it went like this: I was NOT surprised that I put my brace back on. But I rather was angry at the doctors. Because they didn't tell that it was actually necessary for me to wear headgear again."

"I think that was part of the reason why I became anxious: I kind of felt like I had to do more for my treatment than just going to the orthodontist once a month. I subconsciously 'realized' that I had to wear my headgear again. But my doctors didn't realize that. And when I CAN see that, but my doctors don't... well... they don't do a good job, do they? So, I cannot really trust them!"

"When I was in Berlin - with the second doctor - I hadn't yet thought about it. That only started in Munich. That's when I slowly started to get anxious. But I still didn't understand what was going on. That only happened in Kiel. It was only then that I realized that I 'should' actually be wearing my headgear. And then I no longer had a good opinion of the doctors in Berlin and Munich. Because THEY hadn't recognized that I should be wearing headgear. But I had to figure it out on my own."

She laughs dryly. "That's pretty weird, isn't it, dad?"

"I think I can follow you. But you're right: It's more complicated than I thought."

Leonie laughs: "You can say that out loud. It's a BIT clearer in my mind, but I can't put it into words properly."

"Can you explain to me WHY you were of the opinion that you had to 'do more'? Why did you become anxious? And why did you think that it would help wearing your headgear voluntarily again?"



Leonie does not answer him directly, but elaborates on her previous thoughts: "I didn't have the feeling that I was doing it 'voluntarily'. After all, I thought it was really important for my treatment. So it was 'necessary', even though no doctor really asked me to. Because they were too stupid to understand that I needed headgear."

"That's what I meant before: I had started to believe that Dr. Krämer might have been right. And as time went by, I indeed more and more believed that. By now, I was fully convinced, that he was indeed right. That I had to wear that brace in order for my treatment to make progress."

"And that the other doctors were basically wrong about their treatment strategy when they didn't put headgear on me. Either because they don't use headgear at all. Or because they didn't want to bother me with it. Or whatever... Anyway, I thought the other doctors were wrong."

She licks her lips: "It stayed like that for quite some time. I fully believed in Dr. Krämer. During this time it also got easier and easier for me to wear my headgear."

"But then, slowly doubts began to appear. The things I did: Were they really correct? Was Dr. Krämer really right with his strategy?" She grins awkwardly. "After all, more orthodontists had decided against headgear than for it. At some point I had to realize, that I'm the only one thinking like that: To believe that I had to wear headgear again. And I also had to realize, that YOU seemed to regard that as a stupid idea." She looks over to her father questioningly.

He nods: "We had talked about it twice. And I confess that I had some trouble following your thoughts."

"I knew it!", she smiles strained, "As I said: Over time, doubts started to grow whether I really can rust Dr. Krämer. Or whether I maybe should stop wearing my headgear. But at the same time I didn't want to think about it either. You know, dad: If I were to think about the fact THAT I wear headgear, even though nobody was asking me to do so... then I would also have to think about WHY I am doing that."

"And THEN I would have had to admit to myself that it's not 'normal' to wear headgear, even though the doctors don't ask you to do so. That it is therefore not 'necessary' but 'voluntary'. That there must be something 'broken' inside me is that I voluntarily wear headgear. And that it also started to be 'fun'. And THAT is even 'less normal'."

"But if I had thought about it: Then... well... then I would have had to deal with the fact that I have a braces fetish." She laughs dryly: "And I certainly didn't want to do THAT. I was too embarrassed to even think about it."

"So, you preferred to put the thought aside?"

She nods. "It was easier to cling to the thought that I have to wear that brace. Even if nobody really asked me to. Even if the doubts grew... As long as I could somehow make me believe that Dr. Krämer was more right than the other doctors, I was sticking to it."



"I understand," the father nods. "The last time we talked about it - a few weeks ago - you still said that you trust Dr. Krämer more than the other doctors. But now you just explained to me, that you started to doubt him in the meantime..." he doesn't finish his sentence.

Leonie has now turned red. "Yes. That... I really had still believed him, dad. REALLY!" She sighs theatrically, "But probably mostly because I desperately WANTED to believe him. Because that was the easier alternative, you know. Because I didn't want to think about my fetish, as long as I can persuade myself, I'm only doing it because Dr. Krämer was right."

She sighs again. "But I also have to admit that the doubts were growing as to whether that was actually true. That I had more and more problems pushing aside thoughts of me having a fetish."

She plays with a fork and dwells on her thoughts for a few seconds: "That's probably why I had this meltdown on Monday. When you asked me that I had to make a decision if I wanted to continue the treatment or not. That was the first time in a several weeks that you had asked me about my braces. And then I had no choice but to deal with the subject."

"I had to realize that my doubts had grown so much that I simply was not able to believe him anymore. But then, there must have been another reason, why I still wear headgear. That I wear it even more than before.  And THEN I had to realize that... well..." She does not complete the sentence.

"...that you can no longer argue away your 'preference'." Her father suggests.

She nods. "Admitting that you have a fetish isn't easy, is it?" she asks him.

He shakes his head - his cheeks red. "Certainly not."

"And that's why I'm so infinitely grateful to you for accept me... the way I am," her voice is barely more than a whisper.

"Oh child."

For a few seconds the only sound is the knife, her father is using to cut the vegetables into strips.



"Can I ask you something else?"

Leonie grins: "As long as we're making dinner, you can question me as much as you want. So: What's up?"

"You explained to me that you felt that you had to wear your headgear again. But if you think that you have to wear that brace, why can't you believe that Dr. Klein is now prescribing you headgear again? Why do you think that something must have happened behind your back?"

"Because... uh... because... phew... good question. I don't know." Leonie scratches her head embarrassed. "I haven't really thought about it yet." She falls silent. As she thinks, she closes her eyes. She shrugs her shoulders several times until her eyes finally open again.

"If I really have to put it into words, I would say: If we had stayed in Kiel for only one month... If we had moved here as soon as I started wearing my headgear again... And if Dr. Klein THEN prescribed me headgear. I think: THEN I would have immediately believed that I had to wear that thing. And I would've been grateful to her, that finally an orthodontist realized, that I had to wear that brace. Can you understand that?"

"I think so: You had come to the realization for yourself that you need headgear... and if a doctor then prescribed one for you at that moment... yes, I believe you would have accepted it then."

Leonie nods, "Exactly. But we weren't just in Kiel for a month. We were there for half a year. And that was enough time for me to start believing more and more that I actually had to wear headgear. It was also enough time for doubts to appear. That those doubts became to large that I then really had problems still believing that I really had to wear headgear."

"And now - since a few days ago - I can't justify it AT ALL anymore. Especially now that I've admitted to myself that I... have a braces fetish. And that I don't see things objectively. That I'm seeing everything braces-related through rose-colored glasses."

"That I believed Dr. Krämer only because I WANTED to believe him. Because I subconsciously wanted to wear headgear." She shrugs: "These thoughts have become stronger and stronger over the past few weeks. And especially since our conversation on Monday."

"I've finally brought myself to accept that I do NOT need headgear. That it was just wishful thinking. Just a "wishful dream". And now - suddenly - Dr. Klein conjures up a headgear. Do you understand why I have trouble believing that?"

"Somewhat," he nods slowly.

Chapter 51c/56 - Developments, Part 4

The father nods slightly. "But you could also have thought that there maybe never was such a big problem to begin with and that Dr. Krämer had just been wrong."

Leonie nods. "From a logical point of view, you are right, of course, dad. But I think I was so shocked when Dr. Krämer conjured up headgear at the very beginning of the treatment. When I hadn't even gotten used to the normal braces, he strapped me into a device, that was even worse. And he said that I had to wear that thing. I think that scared me a lot... so much so that it had 'burned itself' into my mind."

"And then, after about nine months of treatment... THEN I suddenly realized why I had gotten the hated headgear: Because otherwise the 'problem' - the gap - won't go away. Dr. Krämer had realized that, but the other doctors didn't. And if this gap doesn't go away, my treatment will not make any real progress. But I was convinced that this gap only goes away if I wear headgear again. NOW I knew that Dr. Krämer was right. That his treatment strategy was the right one. That I have to wear the headgear."

"And NOW the scales suddenly moved and snapped back to the other side. To the side that I absolutely need headgear: While two doctors had spoken out against headgear, I wasn't able to trust them anymore. And Dr. Krämer had made MUCH more impression on me. Can you understand that at least somewhat?"

The father nods. "I understand you very well. I think I would have come to a slightly different conclusion, but I can understand what your thoughts were."

Leonie grins awkwardly: "I never claimed that my thoughts were completely logical either. At first I simply reacted to what my subconsciousness told me. And I don't think, that it behaves very logically. Later on, I didn't WANT to deal with it logically anymore, because otherwise I would have to admit my fetish."



"If I may ask," begins the father. "What we were just talking about - this "anxiousness". You mean that in itself had nothing to do with your 'preference'? That these two are separate things? Or do you think that they are connected?"

His daughter rocks her head: "I... I just don't know. I have no idea what a fetish even is. And how such a 'preference' can start and so on. I just know that I NOW have so much fun wearing my headgear. And that I would give a lot if I had to wear headgear. 'Officially' prescribed by the orthodontist, you know. And YOU say that it's a fetish when I think like that?"

He nods softly. "I would describe it like that, yes."

"I just accept that. You probably know more about it than I do. You know, I'll just say: »A braces fetish is when I enjoy wearing braces!«"

He nods.

She thinks for a few seconds. "Looking back a few months, when I started wearing my headgear, it wasn't 'fun'. But it wasn't as bad as I remembered either. And every time I put it on, it got easier and easier. And eventually it WAS fun."

"So, this anxiousness seems to have some connection to my fetish", she shrugs her shoulders, "I just don't know if the fetish was there from the beginning. Whether it caused me to become anxious in the first place. Maybe it led to me finally starting to wear headgear again. Or maybe it was the other way around: Maybe me ecoming anxious had nothing to do with the fetish and it simply 'started' when I began to wear headgear again. I can't tell you THAT. REALLY, I cannot."

"I don't think NOBODY can say that," her father nods. "I think psyches are so complex you can never can piece everything down to the last detail. I was just interested in how you see it. But at least it makes a lot of sense the way you describe it."



After a short pause, Leonie continues: "So, I was convinced that the other doctors were wrong. That Dr. Krämer was right. And this conviction grew even more over time. It became easier and easier for me to wear my headgear. And apparently to me that meant that Dr. Krämer was more and more right. He had said that I should wear headgear... and now I was wearing it more and more..."

"But at some point, the scales started to move in the opposite direction again: Slowly - veeeeery slowly - some doubts developed whether Dr. Krämer was indeed right. In the end, two out of three doctors HAD spoken out against headgear. Even if I didn't trust them, they WERE the majority. And Dr. Krämer couldn't explain his reasons anymore. We haven't lived in Stuttgart for months by that time."

She shrugs her shoulders: "And then at some point I had to realize that I'm the only one thinking that I had to wear headgear. And especially: That YOU did NOT believe that. You probably had recognized back then already, that... well... that I deluded myself, you know?"

The father nods gently: "I didn't really know, what to believe. But, yes: I had the suspicion that at least parts of what you had told me, had been an excuse."

"That's so embarrassing", Leonie turned a deep shade of red. "So the doubt's were there, whether Dr. Krämer was right. And the doubts grew over time. Slowly, the scales had moved."

"Slowly I had to admit to myself that maybe I didn't need headgear after all. And that maybe I should stop wearing headgear. But at the same time, I didn't want to think about why I still wear headgear despite that. And why it's even fun in the meantime."

"That would mean that you would have to deal with your fetish." He nods. Leonie turns red. But she is not the only one. Her father's cheeks are also burning.

"And so, I had ignored the whole thing for months. But all the time the scales had slowly moved on. It had slowly moved past the 'neutral point' and was now sort of in the negatives. I could hardly justify why I still believe in Dr. Krämer."

"And THEN the conversation on Monday came and I had to realize that everything I'd been thinking about for the last few months have been practically 'wishful thinking'. That I had only imagined everything. That none of it was true. That it had only happened because I have a braces-fetish and I had WANTED to wear headgear. And then it is the scale suddenly tilted MUCH further."

"And THEN on Thursday Dr. Klein told me that I didn't need headgear. She had seen my 'open bite'. And said she could do it without headgear. So, she practically had said that she could solve my 'big problem' without headgear. THAT was the moment when the scales hit the end-stop."

"She had basically said the same as the other doctors. Those doctors that I didn't trust. But now there was nothing more to discuss. I had to admit it to myself for the first time that... well, that I REALLY don't need headgear. And had never needed one. That not the other doctors had been wrong, but that Dr. Krämer had erred back then. Because now it was 3:1. And THAT is..." she shrugs her shoulders, "I don't know how to put it..."

The father smiles. "I would now talk about significance levels and so on. But I don't think we have to get so technical here. »3:1 is hard to ignore«, can we agree on that?"



Leonie nods. "And that's why I don't know what to think NOW. Because a few hours ago Dr. Klein changed her treatment strategy. Now she suddenly says that I DO need headgear after all. Now it's 2:2!"

He nods understanding: "Actually a neutral result. But after what you told me, you don't see it that way?"

His daughter shakes her head: "That's it, dad: I DON'T know what to believe anymore. The scales have changed directions so many times that now I'm totally confused."

She counts on her fingers: "BAM: First the shock when Dr. Krämer conjures up headgear. BAM, then I don't need it. BAM, then I need it again. BAM, then I don't need it anymore. BAM: Now I need it again? Really? Now what?"

"Over the last few months I've been increasingly doubting that I need headgear. Then Dr. Klein comes along and says I DON'T need it. BOOM! Now there's no more doubts, now I suddenly 'know', what's going on. Even if I don't like it, now I know. And BOOM! A day later the world is upside down again. Because Dr. Klein turned her treatment plan around 180°. Now you understand why I'm so confused?"

Her father nods. "Thank you for explaining it to me."

Chapter 52/56 - Conclusion

After a few seconds, the father nods. "I know I pestered you a lot. But what do you think: Am I allowed ONE more question?"

"You're already worse than my friends at school," but Leonie grins broadly to show that she doesn't mean that accusingly. "What's up?"

"Would you say that there was no 'triggering event'?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your 'preference'... your 'fetish'. You said that it gradually became easier and easier to wear your headgear, until at some point it was even fun. And then you had to realize that your 'preference' had you already tight in it's grip."

Leonie nods with a red face.

"So you wouldn't say that there was a specific event that started it? But that it just slowly increased over time?"

"Why are you asking? Is there anything?" Leonie suddenly becomes cautious. The whole fetish-thing is still new to her. And accordingly embarrassing and uncomfortable. All the more so when the father now asks very specific questions. If they don't talk about it in general terms, but if he wants to know details. "Is there anything I should know? Is that good? Or is it bad? Is something wrong?"

The father shakes his head: "Absolutely not, child. I'm just curious." After a second, he adds almost shyly: "I just want to know how things happened with... 'other people'."

Leonie understands. "Oh, because you too... Would you like to tell me something?"

The father shakes his head: "Don't take I amiss, child, but I don't think I'm ready for it yet."

"It's OK. Really," Leonie nods. She can observe a rare spectacle: her father sitting there with a red face, seemingly uncertain what to do. This is very unusual for him. He's usually a lot more confident than she is. Now it's the other way around. "If... Dad, if you want to tell me something, you can do it at any time. OK? You don't have to think..." She doesn't finish the sentence. Her father nods, but it is clear to both of them that he would rather not discuss the subject with his daughter.

"Someday, child. But please don't force me, not to answer your question right now." For a few seconds the only sound comes from the knife he is using to cut the vegetables.

She nods: "It's OK, really!" Leonie sincerely hopes that her father doesn't realize that his remark hurt her a bit. After all, she is telling him all her innermost thoughts. And yet: He doesn't want to tell her, what's inside his head. On the other side: She really doesn't want to pressure him into telling her, if he is not comfortable with it.



Leonie ponders: "Maybe... maybe I REALLY had a - what did you call it - »triggering event«. There's something that came to mind when Dr. Klein had talked about this palatal expansion yesterday."

"There was a girl in Kiel who had to wear a brace exactly like that... such an expander-thingie. She had quite the lisp with it. And she also had to use a lot of elastics..." Leonie thinks for a second. A smile forms on her features, "Anyway... I thought she was absolutely cute!"

She shrugs her shoulders: "But - for the life of me - I can't tell you, whether I thought her to be cute because she WAS 'irresistibly hot' or whether my braces fetish had just kicked in. Or whatever you want to call it." The girl sighs: "Unfortunately, she didn't care for me!"

He nods. "It's possible: you had a crush on a girl who had to wear complex braces. Hormones are a strange thing."

"Dad!" Leonie's cheeks are the color of freshly cooked lobster.

"Now please don't get me wrong, child. I can well imagine that your hormone-addled brain was telling you that this girl was absolutely adorable. That EVERY PART of her was adorable. Including her braces. So it's quite possible that it somehow 'jumped over'. That your crush on this girl somehow expanded into a 'crush' on braces. You yourself also had a complex brace lying around in your bedside table... I can well imagine that it may have started like this for you."

"Do you think so?" Lost in thought, she plays with the fork that is lying on the sausage-plate until her father has to ask her to stop if they don't want to eat totally shredded cold cuts.

"I don't know, child," her father nods. "I'm not a psychoanalyst. Do you think that's a completely delusional theory?"

Leonie shakes her head: "I don't know. It could be true. I just never thought about it that way."



Then Leonie laughs dryly: "It's such a funny situation: do you remember how much I hated my headgear in the first few weeks?"

"How could I ever forget that," her father also smiles.

"You can be happy that you have a knife in your hand, dad," threatens Leonie, playfully raising her fist.

"I had to ask you regularly to wear that brace for at least a few hours," the father remembers. "As soon as I turned around, you took the thing out again. But I didn't want to bother you TOO MUCH with it. And that's why..."

"... I never wore it very much," his daughter completes the sentence. "For the first few weeks I would have given anything not to have to wear headgear. And now I would give anything to be able to wear it again. Really officially, you know? If Dr. Klein would prescribe it for me..."

"But if you want it so badly, I really don't understand why you can't believe Dr. Klein. Just like you believed Dr. Krämer back then."

"I told you about the scales," she begins. "That they had changed direction so many times that I don't know what to believe anymore." Leonie rocks her head: "Maybe I can say it like this: For months, nothing much happened - except for the doubts slowly to grow. Then yesterday it was finally clear to me, what was going on: Dr. Klein told me, I don't need headgear. »I don't need headgear. Never did!« And today the whole thing is upside down again. I just have a hard time believing that." The hint of a wry grin: "It's a lot easier to believe that you made arrangements with the doctor behind my back."

"Can you explain to me why I should have done that?"

His daughter's laugh sounds strained: "Why? It's obvious, dad: Because you want me to be happy. Because you know that it's my wish to wear headgear. And because you usually ALWAYS do things to make me feel good. To make sure, I'm happy and..." Leonie's cheeks burn so badly that she can't continue.

If she had looked at her father, she could have seen that his face had turned very red too.



Insecure, much more insecure than before, she asks a few seconds later: "May I ask you something else? And you'll tell me the truth?"

Her father nods silently.

"You said you didn't tell Dr. Klein. And... and I believe you! But..." she licks her lips nervously: "... but would you have done that? Would you have told her?"

"Under what conditions?" her father asks, but Leonie doesn't answer. He gives her a few seconds to add anything else. But Leonie is silent. She doesn't look at him. Her ears turned deep red. She is playing with the bread basket.

"You mean, if you didn't get the treatment you wanted, would I 'put in a good word' for you? That I would approach Dr. Klein - with an open wallet - to see if she cannot be persuaded to comply with your wishes?"

His daughter nods silently.

"Yes, I would do that."

Leonie's head snaps up, her eyes widening. "Really?"

The father does not look at her but concentrates on cutting the carrots into strips. He speaks slowly and thoughtfully. "At least as long as I felt like I wasn't doing more harm than good. But if I'd realized that Dr. Klein was open to the idea, yes, I probably would have."

A second passes, then another. "Thanks, Dad," barely more than a whisper.



"Is one cucumber enough, child?"

Leonie blinks several times until she can follow her father's sudden mental leap. He meanwhile points with the tip of his knife at the pile of carrot and cucumber strips he has been slicing up in the last few minutes. "That should definitely be enough for us for dinner. And also afterwards, if we want to sit down in the living room later on. What do you think: Is that enough for us or do you want more?"

Leonie puffs up her cheeks and puts her hands on her hips: "Really, dad! That's really mean! I tell you my innermost thoughts. And you only think of vegetables."

"I have heard every word."



A few seconds pass. Leonie plays with her now empty tea cup. "And you really think that it could be true? That I really need headgear?"

"What did Dr. Klein say?"

"How did she put it again? Oh yes, something like this: »I want to see whether I can find a way around it. If I don't have to, I don't want to force a facebow on you at all. But maybe it would be good if you could at least think about whether you could make-do with headgear for a while.« Or something to that extent at least. Those weren't her exact words, but more-or-less it should be correct." She looks at him nervously and expectantly: "So, dad, what do you think? Do I have to or do I not?"

"Honestly? It sounds to me like you'll be getting headgear in the next few days!", the father smiles, "Would you like to help me and mix the dip?"

Mechanically, Leonie complies. Later, they will probably have to throw the dip away, because Leonie uses way too much salt. Read as: WAY TOO MUCH. Her eyes are big now. Almost breathless, she asks, "Really?" She forgets that she already salted the dip twice and pours another three helpings into it.

Her father nods. "Please understand that I can't promise you that. I could be wrong!" He looks intensely at his daughter until she nods reluctantly.

"It sounds a lot to me that Dr. Klein knows very well what your treatment is going to be like. And that you're really going to need headgear. That she just wants to give you a few days to come to terms with it. Hoping that you won't give her hell when she finally 'confesses' that - 'despite her best efforts' - she couldn't find a way around headgear."

Leonie's eyes get bigger and bigger with every word and are now the size of saucers. A grin so wide it barely seems to fit her face.

She giggles. She drums her hands on the tabletop and stamps her feet to the beat. She gets up and hugs her father. She dances through the kitchen.

Chapter 54/56 - The diagnosis

"So? Were you very nervous?" her father asks with a smile.

"Not as much as I expected." Leonie shrugs. "I already knew pretty well what to expect. Dr. Klein had already explained it yesterday: Two years with braces. A few extras like elastics, but that was it. Nothing 'exciting'. I fully expected Dr. Klein to simply repeat what she had told my yesterday."

"That maybe she'll tell my something like »Yesterday I said that you might have to wear braces for two years. After I had now a look at your X-Rays, I think, we might be able to do it in one-and-three-quarters years.« Something like that. Basically no changes. I had been more afraid that she might ask 'stupid' questions again that I can't answer. And you weren't there to come to my rescue."

"But then it turned out very differently. Dr. Klein showed me the plaster casts and the X-rays. Of course, the X-rays were way above my head. Absolutely no clue about them. But the casts looked strange, because you could see the brackets quite clearly. It was almost creepy."

"But even creepier was the expression on Dr. Klein's face. I'm not quite sure how to describe it... Nervous? Guilty? Yes, that fits quite well. She was looking at me like a dog that chewed up his master's favorite slippers and is now fearing a beating."

Her father has to laugh at the comparison. "And what had Dr. Klein done to deserve this?"

"»I just had a look at your models and I have to admit that I probably missed something«," she had said. And then I had to sit down in the treatment chair again. »I'd like to check something«"

"And then she told me to move my jaw back and forth. To and fro, left and right, up and down, and a few directions more I didn't even know I could move my jaw at all. Open my mouth and close it. Open and close, open and close. And then she looked even more guilty. »Oh, I didn't see that yesterday« she had said."

"And WHAT did she not see?" asks the father. In the meantime, all the shards have been picked up and he can now start cleaning the floor. Leonie helps by wiping the already cleaned surfaces with a cloth and removing the last stains.

"Exactly the one thing I wasn't sure might have been an excuse." Then she corrects herself: "No, that's wrong! I know that what Dr. Klein said is true. Because she was able to demonstrate directly on my own teeth. So I knew that it at least wasn't a downright lie. But... how should I put it... Maybe like this:"

"This 'news' came at such an opportune moment that I could only think to myself: »That's exactly what I would come up with if I had to turn my story around 180°!« If Dr. Klein got money from you, that would be the IDEAL way to change her story."

"And what are you talking about? What is Dr. Klein supposed to have come up with?"



Leonie bares her teeth, hooks her index fingers in the corners of her mouth and tries to pull her cheek back as far as possible. But eventually she realizes that she can't show her father that way. Also, it's starting to get really, really embarrassing, standing around in front of her father with her teeth and braces bared.

"I can't show you, I can't do it that way. And I can't explain it to you as well as Dr. Klein explained it to me. Um... it's like that..." Leonie is looking for the right words: "When I close my mouth, my teeth don't fit together properly. Yes, they do! They DO fit together when I close my mouth. That's the problem!"

"I honestly don't see a problem with teeth fitting together. Isn't that the sign of straight teeth?"

Leonie sighs: "See: that's exactly what I mean: I have a hard time explaining it. You're right, of course: Normally, the teeth should fit together so that you can bite down comfortably. That's the case with me too, if I shut my mouth. But only then. If I open my mouth, it doesn't fit anymore."

"How does that work?"

"Dad, may I try something on you?"

The father puts down the cleaning rag and gets up. "What should I do?"

"Will you just close your mouth like you always do? OK. And now open it again. And close it again... No, I can't see anything. Because of your stubble, I can't see anything at all!"

The father smiles: "I'm definitely not going to shave for you now."

"You don't have to. Can I try something else?"

"Sure. What?"

"I put my index finger on your chin and you open and close your mouth again."

And so, Leonie stands next to her father with her index finger on his chin while he slowly opens and closes his mouth. He has to bend down a bit to her. "No, you really don't do it."

"What am I supposed to do? Or to not do? I confess I'm a bit confused.", he explains.

"Go ahead and put YOUR finger on MY chin!"

Now the same thing is happening again, only with reversed roles. "Do you notice how I slide my lower jaw forward a bit when I close my mouth?"

The father nods and - after a few rounds - he withdraws his finger again.

"That's exactly the problem, Dr. Klein explained to me: Because I automatically make sure that my mouth is closed as comfortably as possible, my lower jaw slides forward a bit. So that my upper and lower teeth interlock well. Dr. Klein explained to me that this happens because my upper jaw is too narrow. Because of that, most of my upper teeth moved forward further then they should have. Further forward than in a 'normal' set of teeth. If I were to close my mouth 'normally' now, my teeth wouldn't interlock. They only do, if I slide my lower jaw forward."

"And Dr. Klein didn't notice that yesterday. She'd only seen that my teeth fit together quite well, but she hadn't noticed that the only reason they DO fit together is because I've moved my lower jaw forward."

"You could have told her", is the father's opinion.

Leonie shakes her head: "I'm not doing it on purpose. Until she did this finger-on-chin test with me, I didn't even know that I was doing it at all. I never noticed. That was quite unconscious. But, as I said, that's the problem. Dr. Klein explained that it will eventually lead to problems in my tempo... temand... tempera... oh I hate that word. Problems in my 'jaw joint'. I think, she called it 'TMJ', whatever that stands for. She told me but I forgot it the instant she stopped pronouncing the words. Whatever... That would lead to problems, she told me. Rather sooner than later. She also asked me whether I had frequent headaches or a stiff neck."

"I can remember that you actually have problems with it more often in the last few years", the father nods and takes up the cleaning again.

"Dr. Klein said that it's most likely coming from the TMJ. Because I unconsciously tense it every time, I close my mouth. I do that to slide my lower jaw forward. And that this constant tension leads to stress on the joint. And as long as I ignore this, there's a good chance the problems won't go away. On the contrary, those problems are only going to get worse!"



Leonie shrugs her shoulders: "And that's exactly what I mean: It sounds damn plausible: After she showed me, I do notice myself that I'm actually unconsciously sliding my lower jaw forward. And Dr. Klein knew that I have headaches more often lately without me telling her."

"But I have absolutely no idea if she's telling the truth: if she really only noticed it today through the X-rays and such. Or if she had already known and only mentioned it now to be able to justify why I suddenly need headgear!"

"You know: Maybe she knew since yesterday that I have these problems, but she didn't think she had to mention it. Because it would go away on its own if she widened my upper jaw a bit. Because then the teeth automatically have more space and could move in a way, that they fit together better. But after you secretly handed her a bouquet full of 500 euro bills, of course she needed an explanation why she had to change her treatment strategy. Do you know what I mean?"

The father nods. "I understand you. Now that you have explained it to me, I can understand your doubts." He raises his hands defensively when Leonie looks at him with wide eyes: "Please understand me correctly: I can understand why you were unsure. But I don't share your doubts. I'm still sure that Dr. Klein wouldn't invent something like that. In my opinion, she has no reason at all. If only because I really didn't offer her any money. And I didn't tell her about your preferences either."

"I don't think so anymore either." Leonie dismisses it. "But when she explained it to me, it sounded damn suspicious to me! After all, it came out of the blue. If she had said yesterday: »Oh, there's something, we'll have to take a closer look at tomorrow«, then everything would have been fine. Or if she had said: »I want to wait until I have the plaster casts in my hands before I tell you my opinion.« I could have lived with that, too. But she HAD said yesterday what my treatment was likely to be. And then today she merely said, »Oh, I have missed that«. That just sounded suspicious to me. I don't think an orthodontist should overlook something like that."

"In a normal examination, I'd agree with you completely," the father puts in his opinion: "But on Thursday it was only superficial. Without complete records. Dr. Klein had explicitly warned us that she couldn't form an opinion yet. And yet you had asked her for an opinion. So, she had to answer, even if she was still unsure about it."

"Dad, whose side are you on?!" Leonie exclaims. However, she grins from ear to ear. "I've understood that in the meantime. But while I was waiting for you on the sidewalk, I had time to think. And the more I thought about it, the more suspicious it got. I mean: I wanted headgear for months. And now I got it. The day after you paid the doctor for seeing us. That was SO..."

"... suspicious?", her father finishes the sentence for her.

Leonie grins, with an embarrassed face: "I guess, I've said that before?"

Chapter 56/56 - The End

"I think we've postponed lunch enough now; do you agree?"

"Haha dad, your jokes are getting worse every day!"

And yet they are sitting at the table less than a minute later. This time Leonie was overly careful, and they have to add a lot of salt to the dip, using up all the rest. But of course, there are not only carrot and cucumber sticks with dip, but everything else that goes with a cold dinner: bread and sausage, cold cuts, ham and cheese, cherry tomatoes, radishes and pickles.

"May I ask you something else, child?"

Leonie nods. "What? If you want to ask if I'm REALLY willing to wear headgear, then I have to worry about your sanity!"

"You're pretty cheeky!", but her father is not offended. "Did Dr. Klein tell you how she wants to proceed from here on?

Leonie nods: "Oh yes, I forgot again: she said that she would deal with health insurance directly – that I am now being treated by her and so on – so we don't have to do anything ourselves. But she still gave me that confirmation-letter. Just in case we should unexpectedly need it. Should we still post it?"

"I'll call the insurance company on Monday and ask," the father suggests.



Leonie points to a vegetable stick: "If Dr. Klein knew that I eat raw carrots and such things..."

The father nods: "I have to admit that I didn't even think about that you shouldn't eat them."

"But don't get ideas! Don't leave those things out from now on, that I'm theoretically not allowed to eat."

"I don't intend to. Especially since I don't think eating carrots has hurt you - or your braces - so far."

"That's because it didn't!" To emphasize, Leonie takes a stick of the orange vegetable and dips it deep into the dip.

"What's next? Hmm ... She said she wanted to put my treatment plan on paper before formally discussing it with me. She said she'd get in touch with us. She has your cell phone number, and I gave her mine too. I don't know whom of us she'll call though."

"Have you already got an appointment for when she wants to discuss this with you?"

"No, I haven't yet." Leonie shakes her head. "I think she wants to make extra sure this time that she doesn't overlook things AGAIN, so we might have to wait a bit longer." Then she grins cheekily: "I think it only would go faster if you put another hundred euros in her hand..."

"Well, dearest daughter of mine, in that case you'll have to learn to be patient, because I don't intend to do that again."

"I was only joking", his daughter replies hastily. "I don't think it would be a good idea..."

"That's exactly how I see it!" Her father nods.



"I don't mind if it takes her a few days to finish that treatment plan." Leonie begins slowly. "I would be grateful if she could really take a close look at what's needed and what not... What braces I really need now and all that."

"What do you mean? Has something changed? Apart from your headgear, I mean?"

Leonie scratches her head: "Do you remember how Dr. Klein said yesterday that I do NOT need a palatal expansion? That my jaw is narrow, but not THAT narrow that she has to be gung-ho about it?"

The father nods. "And this assessment has now changed?"

"Yes and no", Leonie shrugs, "Dr. Klein does not yet know, whether I really need it or not. At least if I decide AGAINST surgery," she continues: "If I had decided FOR surgery, they would probably have done it all in one go. You know: If they saw off my jaws anyway, they very well could make my upper jaw a bit wider before they staple it back on. But now, in a 'classic' treatment, there is no other way but to use more braces-devices."

"With these joint problems, it is now much more important than before that my upper jaw is widened, Dr. Klein told me. Only then will the upper teeth have enough space to arrange themselves in a way that I no longer have to push my lower jaw forward. That's why Dr. Klein apparently has to make my upper jaw now even wider than she originally intended."

"Don't ask me for details though. She didn't have THAT much time to explain everything to me in detail. That will probably happen when she explains the treatment plan to us." Suddenly Leonie looks uncertain and downcast. "In any case, she said that now I might need such a palate-expanding-brace-thingy. She doesn't yet know for sure, she has to take a closer look at the X-rays and impressions first. But it could happen that it is no longer enough to simply bend the wire of my upper brace a bit wider."

"I understand," replies the father. "So? What's your opinion on that? Do you still want to have it done?"

"What do you mean: »want«, dad? I have to!", Leonie scoffs. "I don't feel like it, but there is no other way! I definitely don't want surgery. But I also don't want a half-assed treatment!" She licks her dry lips. "What I said to Dr. Klein was after all REALLY meant serious: She DID frighten me a lot with her assessment that I am ruining my jaw joint. And I don't want that. I REALLY don't. I WANT this fixed. BEFORE I get problems! If I then need such an additional brace... well... then there's no way around it."

"That's a laudable thought", the father begins.

Leonie just shrugs her shoulders.

"You don't sound particularly happy, child. I kind of expected that you would...", he doesn't finish his sentence.

"You mean: Because of my fetish: that I'd be happy about getting all sorts of braces?"

He nods slowly and carefully. "Did I assume too much? I didn't mean to upset you."

She waves it off: "It's okay. I'm not angry with you. You're probably right. I mean: The thoughts about most braces give me such a 'tingling sensation'." Leonie blushes again. "But the headgear MUCH more than any other braces."

"I understand", nods her fathers.

"But there's one thing that keeps me from being excited about this expander:" His daughter shrugs: "You know, I'm a little scared... no, 'scared' is too much... I'm a bit worried: The girl in Kiel I told you about: She had such an expander brace. And she suffered from it. She complained a lot about it. That brace really must be quite uncomfortable. And I'm not really keen on that. Do you understand me?"

"I understand you perfectly. But I do believe that your friend survived her treatment nonetheless?" he smiles.

Leonie rolls her eyes. "Of course she has. And I don't want to say that I would start crying. I'm just not 'excited' about it. But if it's necessary, I'll have it done. No doubt about that." Leonie takes a deep breath: "Dr. Klein doesn't know yet whether I really need this thing. She has to take a closer look at the X-rays for that. She had explained to me, that this is due to the fact that the bones in adults become harder. And this makes it more difficult to widen my jaw. Maybe it will be enough that she simply bends the wire of my brace wider. But maybe that's not enough and she actually has to install this additional expander-thingie. I'll probably just have to wait and see."



"Let me ask again, child: are you still willing to have your treatment done by Dr. Klein? Even with the changes she made today?"

Leonie nods. "I am. I'm not that keen on this palate expansion - if I need it at all. But the rest is OK. And the headgear..." she grins, "... well... I don't have to say anything about that."

The father smiles indulgently.

She thinks for a few seconds: "You know, dad, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that I was right in not trusting the doctors from Berlin and Munich."

"How come?"

"Well... think about it: Of ALL the doctors I went to, Dr. Klein was the ONLY one who diagnosed the problems in my jaw joint. And she said I really need to wear headgear because of it."

She cocks her head: "Probably Dr. Krämer noticed that too. I can't really remember, what he told us, when he strapped me in that headgear. But, he HAD prescribed me headgear. So, he MUST have found some problems after all!"

"However: The two doctors from Berlin and Munich did NOT even do that. They just treated me with normal braces. I don't know if they didn't even notice the problems in my joint. But even if they did, they didn't tell me about it; they 'only' treated me with normal braces. And that's shite!"

"After all, Dr. Klein explained to me, that that is the worst of the three options. So, either they didn't recognize the problem at all or - if they did - they chose the worst treatment strategy on purpose." She thinks for a few seconds. "And that's why trust them less and less, the more I think about it."

"I'd like to add something," the father interjects. "I can think of a reason why those two doctors didn't treat you with headgear."

"OK? And that would be?", Leonie listens intently.

"Maybe because they don't use headgear at all. But rather use a different treatment strategy. Dr. Klein had said that most patients refuse to wear headgear and opted for surgery. Perhaps those doctors then decided that they would not use headgear at all. Instead, they would move much more quickly to surgery for major problems?"

"Oh... You mean: With them, any treatment that can't be solved with braces alone, is a case for the surgeon?"

The father nods. "Of course, I can't be certain of that. But to me it sounds plausible."

"That... that's possible, of course," Leonie has to admit. "But... no, Dad, that still doesn't make sense: Those two did NOT tell me that I would need surgery. Or did they talk to YOU about it?", Leonie looks at her father questioningly.

He shakes his head.

"Well, there you go," Leonie triumphs, "Maybe they'll transfer patients over to the surgeon really quickly. That could be very well true. But then they would have had to tell me. And they didn't. So: I still don't think they did a good job! The more I think about it, the more I believe they didn't even realize that I have a problem with my jaw joint."

"I don't want to defend them at all costs," the father interjects. "I just want to say that you shouldn't judge the quality of an orthodontist by whether or not you have to wear headgear."

"Yes, dad," Leonie blushes. "I get it!"



A few seconds go by. "By now I trust Dr. Klein more than the other doctors."

"Because she recognized your problems with your jaw joint?"

Leonie nods. "Because she recognized that. And because she then explained it to me. And then she let me decide what I wanted to do about it. She was the only one who did it that way. And I think that's great! I think that SHE is really able to solve the problems with my teeth." She sighs a little: "Even if it now takes more than I thought before. But... it's worth it to me. Do you understand?"

"Absolutely. And if I may say so: I'm glad that you see it that way. That you now trust her and no longer think that she wants to cheat you."

Leonie turns red. "I overreacted a bit, didn't I?" she asks, embarrassed.

"Your doubts were understandable," is his diplomatic reply.

She laughs: "Is that your way of saying: »Yes, child, you HAVE overreacted.«", Leonie sighs theatrically: "OK, I admit it. I hadn't thought logically..."

"So, you want to stay with Dr. Klein?"

Leonie nods: "I actually feel quite comfortable with her. Especially now that I've realized that I misjudged her at the beginning... I have to say: She's really nice and helpful. And Dad... I'm really looking forward to going to her."

Well... that's it folks.
At least for a couple of months (probably longer though), Leonie's adventures have come to an end.

Thanks for staying here til the end.

It was a good story, I hope you have time to continue it again sometime.