I think it’s awesome that you’re excited about getting braces!
As for your plan, getting consults from multiple orthodontists is a great idea. However, you might not find any who will give you an expander. Stiff, thick archwires are able to do a little bit of widening, and that might be more than enough for your crossbite. And I don’t know why elastics for a crossbite would cause “retraction”.
For molar bands, it does seem like a lot of orthos don’t use them unless you’re getting some sort of appliance. I will be getting some on the bottom for a lower lingual holding arch when I get a Carriere appliance, but I won’t have them when I get full braces after that. They will use them, however, if the bracket on the molar keeps falling off, or if there’s a filling or crown or something that causes an issue with it staying attached.
I don’t want to come across as a downer, but want you to be realistic instead of getting your hopes up too high. I would get consults from a several orthos, and choose one based on how comfortable you feel at that office and how much the treatment makes sense (without your interest in braces coloring this too much).
If there’s some appliance you really want to see what it feels like to wear after that, buy some fakes after your treatment is done.